You might have read my most recent tweet: “Blood may be thicker than water, but it’s thinner than you think…” Let me take a moment to explain why I wrote this.

As some of you may know, I’ve found a second job. I’ll be working for Benefit Cosmetics at several Orange County locations (Brea, Newport, South Cost Plaza, and Westminster). I though’t I’d share the good news with my mother. You would think my parents would be proud of me for being responsible and whatnot… after all, I’ll be working not one but two jobs. But, apparently not.

Two days ago, as she’s getting ready for work, I tell her that I’ve got this new job at Benefit.

She says, “Why don’t you just go to a temp agency a find a job like your sister did and—”

“Why would I do that? I just told you i already found a second job?” I asked.

“Well, I’m just saying… What are they even going to pay you, anyway?”

At this point I was already getting mad, so I said, “They’re not going to pay me mother. They’re going to thank me for showing up and reward me with smiles. AND If I’m REALLY good, I’ll get CANDY!”  Then I left. I was done listening to her make the same points about temp work over, and over, so I went to my room to enjoy some tea I had made. I finished the tea and returned to the kitchen to put my glass in the sink. That’s when she started right back up again.

“Well Jessica,” her friends daughter, “went to the temp agency and now shes working at the air port.”

I told her I didn’t care what Jessica was doing. Why should it matter to me? I told her I’d already given her two chances to stop being condescending and acknowledge my responsibility in any way, maybe congratulate, say good, cool, ANYTHING, but she didn’t. I told her that I’m sorry that I even shared anything about my new job with her.

“I’m sorry you feel that way.” was all she relied.

Fast forward to tonight: I was in the kitchen making dinner for myself and she asks me, “Why were you so cranky the other morning?”

I responded, “Are you kidding me?! I told you EXACTLY why I was upset, and I believe YOU were IN FACT, the culprit! If you paid any attention to me at all, you’d know that I was in a great mood and wanted to tell you about my new job. It wasn’t until you shit all over me about it that things turned sour.”

“Oh I just wanted to see if it was really that you were mad about, or if you were just mad about something else and taking it out on me.” she said.

Then, GUESS WHAT!? She started right back up again! The same shit about making more money doing something else that I could find though a temp place.

I said, “Great idea mom! How about I tell you exactly what it was that pissed me off the other day, JUST so you could repeat it now! That’s a great fucking idea.”

Then she brought up the Art Institute and how she’s paying for this, and for this, and for that… like I haven’t paid a cent! She KNOWS how sorry I am that I even went to the Art Institute. She fucking KNOWS I consider it one of the biggest mistakes I’ve ever made in my life… But here she is rubbing it in my face, if for no other reason than to make me feel bad. She doesn’t fucking care.

Then my dad chimes in, “How would you like to have your keys not work when you get home?!” thanks dad.

I’ve come to a sad realization. I honestly think my parents are ashamed of who I am. Sure, I’ve been told I’m so strong and independent and smart and funny… but i’m gay and got a job in makeup, so apparently that all amounts to nothing.

I’ve never really mentioned it before, but I honestly think my mother is ashamed of me being gay. A year and a half or so ago I taped an episode of the MTV show Parental Control. I had already been out to my mother for over a year or so at this point. Before the taping she asked me, “Is the episode about a girl?”

I said, “No. Why would it be?”

She replied, “Just wondering… People watch that show, you know…” as if I shouldn’t do it.

That was sign number one, but it was what she said after I taped with the show that really got me. We were sitting on the couch talking about life in general, and she comes out with, “When I think about you being gay, it’s gross.”

WHO the FUCK says that to their gay son?! I SWEAR TO YOU that is a DIRECT quote, and she wondered why I got upset. That was seriously the first time we’ve talked about me being gay since coming out to her and I honestly don’t think we have talked about it since then.

Yes, blood may be thicker than water, but it’s thinner than you think…